Saturday, December 30, 2006

The 2007 Year in Review

The Chicken Dumpling Dinner for Derelicts has been canceled for the third year in a row. The culprit: a garbage can. Plenty of newspaper to burn, braised collie haunches are very appetizing, but the cheap plastic garbage cans melt. Foraging continues for an old fashioned galvanized aluminum one.

The Northwestern has bucked the national trend. Their resident marketing dept. genius dreamed up the perfect circulation builder. A free parakeet with cage for a 13-week subscription. Renewal comes with bird seed. While Gannett nationally continues to see a drop in circulation, the only thing dropping on The Northwestern is...well...droppings.

The Mideast crisis continues with no end in sight. Republicans and Democrats both afraid to back out while the death toll continues to rise. The strain is showing with the addition of new categories. War protesters now count their own. They are divided into natural causes such as heat stroke and pneumonia, accidental - such as tripping into traffic, and combat. No war protesters have lost their lives in Oshkosh thus far, but if the war goes on much longer old age might enter into it.

UWO Polk Library had such success with offering free coffee during finals last year that students demanded free coffee all the time. The library, quite frankly, hasn't been this busy since the advent of the laptop and wireless access. Students also demanded that the library be open 24/7 all semester and the line for coffee never ends. Parents are complaining that their children stay up all week and do nothing but sleep at home weekends. Some don't even bother to go home, preferring to study at Polk and drink endless pots of coffee. When asked about the brew, the Director of Acquisitions said only that it is "fair trade coffee from South America." He became irritated when I pressed him on this and muttered something about "what the hell else are they going to send us? Laced beans?" At any rate students are spending a lot more time cracking the books.

I promised Bob Poeschl that I would never again make him the butt of my cruel humor and that goes double after his garage went up in flames in early August. A large cooking fire in the back yard kindled the blaze around midnight. What is it that vegetarians cook that takes that big of a fire?

Dr. Tony Palmeri's winning a seat on the city council was small potatoes next to what the local Green Party did. The Greens, deciding to outdo the Kevin Barrett visit of last year, invited Hugo Chavez to speak at UWO. Who'd a thought that inviting a Socialist would become a Capitalist's dream. Every motel room from Green Bay to Milwaukee full, restaurants SRO, more overtime for cops. Much bigger than the Air Show ever thought of being!

To be continued...

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