Saturday, March 31, 2007

Monster of a Story

B'gosh, it's dead in the water. Oshkosh 'on the water' is about as dead as WOSH on a March day. To paraphrase that guy from Lake Wobegon: "March exists so that people who don't drink know what a hangover is like." The 20th of April sometimes feels like it's still March.

I was force fed WOSH for about five minutes one morning. It was like all you can eat for $1.99, but a dollars' worth was all I could stand! Then came some public service type ad from the National Chamber of Commerce spreading vitriol about union bosses taking money. The union bosses are about the only reason the common person has ever had any money. There ain't many left and the C. of C. wants to do away with all of 'em. I'm glad though about being force-fed WOSH. It reminded me why I never have that station on.

I've got news for the Chamber of Commerce. Oshkosh is dead in the water. Look around you. Foreclosures are up, people can't afford to bring their old houses up to code, and the students from the Milwaukee vicinity refer to the downtown area as a (whispered) slum.

'On the water' brings about as many tourists to town...Well. Let me put it this way: The Women's Sumo Wrestling Championships might be a better draw.

It's never been about what's 'on the water', it's about what lies below. 747's full of tourists from Scotland renting watercraft and sonar looking for the elusive monster of Lake Winnebago, teaching the locals down at Oblios the finer points of single malt Scotch, spending incredible sums of money in the local restaurants. This has got legs, at least the story does, and don't expect it to go away anytime soon.

Expect to see artists renditions of this lake creature(s) sometime soon at the Gallery Walk and I wouldn't doubt that sculptures will follow at major intersections, and contests in the schools. Don't forget the naming contest. My hands down favorite is:

Winney the Lake Winnebago Monster.

Would someone kindly tell the Chamber of Commerce to lighten up, quit spending money on ads that demean our citizens, and realize that we have the ($$$) largest inland lake ($$$) in the country to draw upon. If ya can't use the lake ya might as well sell it to the Saudis.

Can't you see Geraldo in a wet suit preparing to get to the bottom of this monster thing?

I have spoken about this to a couple of our local politicians but I won't divulge a thing until Wednesday after the elections.

In the meantime please remind young children not to get too close to the water lest the monster might get 'em.

Fishy Fact: The DNR claims that living organisms in Lake Winnebago exceed 200lbs. You can take that one to the bank.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I like Oblios, and I like Scotch, but the two don't go together as you can't get a good single at Oblios... yet.