Sunday, April 01, 2007

Wisconsin DNR Does a 180

The Wisconsin Department of Natural Resources has announced a complete reversal on its 'no camping' policy on the Lower Wisconsin River south of Sauk City in the vicinity of the Mazomanie Bottoms and the Ferry Bluff natural units. Campers will again be welcome under a new program being introduced this year.

Turtle reproduction is the problem. They are not producing enough offspring. The DNR is working hard to find solutions concerning turtle sex.

Enter: Turtles In Transition Society.

The Turtles in Transition Society was formed to assist the DNR in making sure the turtles properly mate. Members of this group will be camping on the sandbars of Mazomanie Bottoms for weeks on end, braving all elements of weather and being away from their families and homes, just to prove a point. Turtles do it in the water. Then they come ashore and deposit their eggs in the sand. Taking a clue from other groups around the world, the paid volunteers will discreetly watch where the turtles deposit their eggs, marking the spot with caution tape. Each of the paid volunteers will be issued infrared night-vision goggles which along with Huber beer and cheap whiskey will keep them focused on the job.

I interviewed Barbara Wolf, who holds the prestigious title of State of Wisconsin, Department of Natural Resources, South Central Regional Warden, and when asked about turtle sex she replied: "Do bears s**t in the woods?"

Spiritual adviser to the group, the Rev. Ralph Ovadal, could not be reached regarding the issue of turtle sex. Ruth Bender remains clueless.


Although this blog originates in Oshkosh it has no ties to the Naturist Society which is headquartered here and never will.

The Turtles In Transition Society is the brainchild of the Friends of Gary (FOG). There are many Garys' and they will all tell you that they would refuse to become a member of any organization that would have them.

If you would like to take part in promoting turtle sex just email me (or any other Gary) and have your checkbook ready.


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